WTF!
by Soujirou-san
Summary: Its just a random story from random me. But it is funny, according to my betas. Anyway, its about Hiei, his swords, him being or not being hotter that Kurama, Yusuke, Kuwabara getting felt up by a cat demon named Chisai, and a chipmunk. Yep. Mm-hm. Read a


Summary:

Well, after years of wondering where Hiei gets all those swords as he fights, I believe I have discovered our little fire youkai's secret...cackle and I've added in some delusional ramblings of just pure...entertainment purposes.

But mainly, this is just another random, theme-less, STUPID ASS story. Don't know if I'll do another chapter...might just have one...depends. Once again, I won't use some of the romajii words (like neko, shonen, shoujo, and a few others). So don't yell.

And if it doesn't make sense, I'm sorry. xD

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**WTF!  
**Chapter One: Where do they come from? 0.o

Hiei was having a **wonderful **time dozing in the Makai sun. There was a gentle breeze that stirred the branches of the giant tree he was in. Squirrels chattered, but not too loud, birds chirped, but quietly. Nothing seemed to want to wake up the demon as he rested.

Which was beneficial to their health, I'll tell you that much.

So, Hiei slept. Oh, what a marvelous sleep it was! He dreamt of a forest, and lavender unicorns with golden manes and hooves, and sparkly horns, that frolicked around him. Jaguars hung from giant flowers, and the Cheshire Cat in a sexy demon form winked at him seductively. He made _daisy chains with Mukuro _and stretched out on his back on the grass with her, _cloud watching_, and for once, she wasn't bitching him out or making him train.

Okay, so she bitched him out a little. But come on, its Mukuro!

Ah, yes, Hiei was having a wonderful dream...so peaceful, so calm, so **what the fuck is that yelling**?

Hiei scowled and woke up. He glanced around and his eyes stopped on Yusuke and Kuwabara, walking up the road and arguing. He groaned, stood, brushed himself off, and jumped higher in the tree.

As the two boys passed underneath him, Hiei watched every move they made and listened intently to their conversation.

"There is no way in _Hell_ Hiei would be **hotter and easier to fuck **than Kurama if he was a girl." Kuwabara shouted for all the Makai to hear.

"Yeah, he would!" Yusuke screamed back. "He'd be smaller, so he'd be petite, and besides, since he's little, you could throw him down_ NC-17 style_!"

Hiei paled and was just about to slice the hanyou and ningen open when a chipmunk landed on his head.

"Get off." He mumbled, swiping at it. The chipmunk refused. "Seriously, _get off me._" He shook his head. "GET **OFF**!" He hissed, swatting it with both hands. While he fought with the rodent, and Yusuke and Kuwabara fought about who was hotter, he dropped his sword.

Thwonnnnnggggg!

It hit the ground, got stuck (point down), and vibrated. Hiei, stuck in his chipmunk fighting stance, stared, mouth open. Kuwabara and Yusuke froze and looked up.

"Who'sare?" It came out as one word. Yusuke glared at the tree. "Hello?"

"Idiot."Kuwabara scowled. "You can't do that or they'll never come down." He cleared his throat. "I, the great Kazuma Kuwabara, command you to come down!" He made a fist and thrust it into the air in his classic Kuwabara pose.

The whole forest seemed to want to smack the moron.

"Yes, well, I, the heir to the throne of the Western lands, command you to _stop being a fool_." Hiei jumped down and landed in front of the two boys, hands in his pockets, and glaring.

If Kuwabara were a dog, he'd have been bristling. Or humping something. I don't know.

Yusuke smiled. "Oh, hey, shrimp, we were just talking 'bout you." He nudged his nose with his thumb.

"I could hear you." Hiei scowled. "Now _MOVE_." He grabbed his sword by the hilt and pulled. It wouldn't come out. He pulled again. It wouldn't move. He pulled a Jack Sparrow on it.

You know, from the scene where Will Turner got the sword stuck in the door and Jack tried to pull it out. Something like that.

He huffed, glared, and was just about to **Dragon of the Darkness Flame** its ass, but stopped when Yusuke and Kuwabara grabbed his arm, sweat dropping.

"Not smart." Yusuke said, letting him go.

"So?" Hiei snapped. "Since when do _you_ know what's smart?" He glared at him. Yusuke paled.

"Don't tell me how stupid I am." He answered back. Kuwabara snickered.

"So are you going to get your sword?" Kuwabara asked, crossing his arms as he sneered. Hiei glared at him.

"I should. But I don't _have_ to." He crossed his own arms. "I have **plenty** more." Kuwabara and Yusuke rolled their eyes.

"Yeah, right." Yusuke said. "I bet you only have one sword, and each time it breaks you have to get a new one. xP " Kuwabara stifled a laugh.

"Yeah." He nodded. "But where** do** you get all those swords from and" He stopped and looked around. "Do you feel that?"

"Hn." Hiei's Jagan glowed. "Whatever it is, its headed this way." The three boys looked around and then—

"OH MY FRIGGIN" GOD, YOU'RE HOT!"

A deranged cat came bounding out of the woods. Actually, it was a cat demon. A deranged one. He had orange hair that fell _wondefully_ into his deep green eyes. He was slender and tall and clad in leather, and _very _sexy. He had pretty white lines under his eyes, and his orange tabby ears poked out of his hair.

And he was currently ravaging Kuwabara. Not Hiei or Yusuke. The obvious choices.

The poor (or lucky :grin: ) boy couldn't move.

"What the **FUCK**!" Yusuke gaped. Hiei tilted his head and stared.

"And I always thought Kurama was the homo." He commented, raising an eyebrow. Kuwabara glared.

"Excuse me, who are you?" He asked the cat demon.

"Well, me?" He mewed, nuzzling Kuwabara. "I'm just a cat demon. But if you want a name, I'm Chisai." He licked the carrot-top's ear. He paled.

"Chisai, what are you **doing**!"

"What's it look like, goofy goober?"

"Licking me?"

"I'm a _cat_, that's what I **do**! Lick things." Chisai licked a bit lower and–

"Look, kitty, we don't want any, so stop _selling_." Yusuke sprayed the cat demon with a **hose**.

"How...what is–where did...?" Hiei looked at the hose in disbelief. "Where'd you get that!"

"What, this?" Yusuke held up the hose as Chisai hissed and tried to dry himself with Kuwabara's shirt. "I...don't know."

All of a sudden, a psychotic Asian girl, with a laptop opened to and WordPerfect 10, came running up.

"Give me that." She snatched the hose angrily and ran away, to finish a story she was writing about** Hiei** and **Yusuke** and **Kuwabara**, and some cat named **Chisai**, while muttering something like, "mess up MY 'plot'-line".

Hiei furrowed his brow and stared as the girl scampered away.

"Right."

"_So_..." Yusuke turned to Chisai and Kuwabara. "Cat, what ARE you doing?"

"Well, I'm just...he's so..._cute_ and **cuddly**, and I just...aw!" Chisai fixed Kuwabara's hair. Kuwabara glared at him.

"Can I get some help?"

"Here, I'll help!" Hiei reached into his pants, getting an 'ugh, Hiei, I didn't know you liked** that** kind of porn!' from Yusuke. He rolled his eyes and pulled out a shiny sword. Katana. Stabby, pointy object.

"Fancy." Yusuke nodded in a disturbed way. Hiei glared and then proceeded to

slash

Chisai

into

a

mangled

bloody

corpse.

Didn't work too well, since Chisai sprang up, fell back down, and writhed in agony.

Kuwabara stared. "Right. Well, who saw that coming?" Yusuke raised his hand.

"What else does Hiei do with a sword?" He laughed.

"Yeah. But what now?" Kuwabrara asked.

"Dunno." Yusuke said, ignoring Chisai's screams as he slowly, but surely, bled to death.

"What were you two talking about earlier?" Hiei said, turning away from Chisai as he sheathed his sword.

"Oh, you or Kurama being a hotter chick?" Yusuke answered, looking at Hiei.

"Yeah, that...what's up with that?" Hiei asked, walking away from the cat demon as he took his last few breaths.

"Well, we were wondering who'd be more fun to fuck, Keiko or Botan, and then Yusuke goes..." The three started walking in a dramatic hero exit into the sunset, talking as if nothing happened.

Ze EYND 0.o

Or ish et? j00 tell meh.

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Author's Note:

Don't ask about the story; I was bored. xD Never eat sour Skittles before you go to bed, children.


End file.
